We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
