when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
