you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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