Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
