I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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