she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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