But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
