First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
