Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
