you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
