Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
