he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
