VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
