he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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