Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
