Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
