Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
