I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
