He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
