My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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