let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
