I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
