You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
