I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
