On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
