were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
