Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
