Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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