I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
