do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
