Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
