arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
