Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
