Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My penis needs a shock collar
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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