I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
