I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
