But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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