Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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