At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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