Plan B is the new Plan A
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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