I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
