talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
