They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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