If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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