Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
