I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Houston, we have a squirter
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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