i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We need a shit load of segways right now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
