I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
