i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
