i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why do cheetos always look like penises
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
